My Brain [at schooool]

Sitting here…just typing little words onto a computer screen.

I am so tired. It is killing me today.

Is it bad to smoke cigarettes? I mean I know its bad FOR you…but does it make you a bad person?…because I am starting to have second thoughts about it.

BUT coffee + cigarette = poop and poop is good to get out of you =]

Agree or disagree?!

Hmm.

I had a bad day yesterday and I thought it was never going to end. Dad made dinner and I ate it…

damn dad lol I think he knows something is up with me..

I don’t think I will ever bring up food to him again.

I love Popsicles..

I’m wearing a new shirt and jacket from Plato’s Closet. Has anyone been to Plato’s Closet? I highly recommend it if you don’t mind gently used items J

I am hungryyyyyyyyyy…I think I always end up eating a lot because I am constantly telling myself “Don’t Eat” I should start saying “Eat less, weigh less” so then, maybe JUST MAYBE I can have a little progress with how I feel when I undress…or run (I jiggle)…or when I see someone’s eyes on my thighs. I hate my skin and my hair and my flab. I hate my rolls and I hate my fucking tears.

Emotions are so overrated.

Change of pace

WOOT! today was so much better than yesterday BUT i found out i gained 3 pounds. personally i blame my lack of willpower.

i will not let this put me down.

i have to go out to eat tonight....

but for the next three days i shall fast!

i will work my little heart out.

i will sweat off these repulsive thighs

i will crunch my abs till they break.

i will stop eating so much crap

seriously. i try to eat healthy, but crap just finds me and i cant turn it down.

haha crap....sounds like im talking about actual crap.

but thats what it is.

thats what everything is!

life is crap.

i mean what is the fucking point?

you live and then die.

and how do you know if you really have lived your life?

ahhh fuck it all.

people love me

people hate me

i personally cant decide what i think about me.

POOP

Today was so weird.

First hour, this Spanish teacher violated me. It was hilarious.
Okay so today is HERITAGE WEEK at my lameass high school. Today, me and two of my friends went to learn Spanish dancing! YAY!...yeah right. I am the girl with no rhythm AND two left feet. Well, the teacher, who "is a lesbian", grabbed my hip and told me "to SHAKE IT!!!"
I do not have a problem with gays. Two of my family members are gay =]
But me and my friends could not stop laughing about it. (:

And the next 7 hours go as follows:
I can no longer focus on anything but my stomach hurting. My insides were on fire and I had to poop. It was terrible.





Yep. Those were the highlights of my day.
I came home and realize all the birthday cake at my house...

wish me luck.
<3 Stay Strong. Don't lose hope.

Quick Peak Inside My Brain

Grandma is doing good =]
i was glad to hear that today!
woke up late for school...good thing i drive, huh?
okay so
1. i hate how i bleed where no one sees
2. i hate how i cant puke
3. i hate dinner tables worse than i hate food
4. i miss my boyfriend
5. i hate school

after i ate dinner i went straight for the shower to puke. no such luck. i get close and a little comes out but thats it. then i want to run, cry, bleed, and sleep forever.
whats a girl to do?
i just want to love myself...
i never knew it was a crime.
i hate my brain x[

im ranting btw. you can stop reading at anytime.
im not worth your time.

love you g-ma!

Hello!
so today i woke up and decided it was going to be a horrible day =]
i took a shower and i tried to think positive thoughts...didnt work out so well.
i barely got any sleep last night because i was worried about school and my grandma.

=[ grandma had open heart surgery from 7 a.m.- 1 p.m. today but she is OKAY! i was bawling my eyeballs out at the hospital. and can you believe i was still thinking about food????? how selfish can i get? and i also thought about how my mom would feel if iiii was the one in the hospital bed instead of her mother.
sick right?
i dont know what is wrong with me. i am a total bitch .....not really...im actuallly nice :D
but my mom hates me...

meh!
im trying not to make this a bad post but today sucked. i wore sweatpants to school and i felt fat all day. i mean i should at least wear something i feel decent in...and sweatpants are not cutting it =/

this kid at my school in my econ class died yesterday..he just like collapsed during basketball

im like failing my classes and failing at food.

FAIL FAIL FAIL...

i never win