He loves me, he loves me not

It hurts not fitting into a shell people set for you.

It hurts to feel like no one hears you.

It hurts when you love someone.

Life hurts.

I cause my own hurt in my own mind.

I wish I could stop time and rewind.

I wish I could go back home without trouble.

I wish I had my man in my arms.

I wish I had my mom to hold when I need to cry.

I wish being an adult was easy.

I wish emotions were easy to read.

I wish I never knew what "love" is.

I wish all people were real.

I wish sleep came easy.

I wish I could have my wishes.

I hope things get better.

I hope I lose weight.

I hope I bleed where people can see.

I hope everything gets better.



Black and White

I went to the gym this morning mainly to weigh myself and I was 133.8 :)

Black and white thinspo..easy to find, easy to post, easy to waste time.

Trouble in Paradise

First week of college down!

School is going okay so far, but it is hard getting used to the swing of things.  I'm already tired of being an adult...whatever that means.

I missed my niece being born, but I am going back home this weekend, so I will get to hold her :D

My boyfriend is causing me more pain than I ever thought could happen.

I have produced more tears in 36 hours than I have in a cumulative month!

I ran out of tissues, so I used a towel last night (YES, its was THAT bad).

 He says he doesn't know if he can be with me anymore, so he needs time to "think about things".

 I put those words in quotations, because they came directly from his mouth. Other things I say that he said, are summaries of what has been said.

 I sure hope I am making sense (:

I haven't cried too much today, but the tears still make their way to my eyes. I put a picture down of us together, so I hope it helps me not think too much about him...

It's easy for everyone to tell me not to think about him, but its another thing to actually DO it.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Funny how lame that quote sounds until you experience it.

I'm not ready for it to be over between us, nor will I ever be ready for it to be over between us.

What a Great Day

Woke up and watched Coraline because I absolutely love that movie.

Drank coffee like usual and my stepmom asked if I wanted to go do errands with her.

I declined the offer because I was going to go to Wal-Mart with a friend...

WELL

I took a shower and even did my hair for once!

 I put on nice clothes and I even matched!! [:

Get in my car and start it up......only so it could die right in front of my house!!!!!

Luckily, I got the front end into my driveway...

but I spent 5 minutes pushing it as far as it would go.

I LIVE ON A BUSY STREET AND IT TOOK 10 MINUTES BEFORE ANYONE STOPPED

And it was two guys so that is a plus! But that's not the only thing.

I locked my keys and phone inside my car and my dad, who is at work, has the spare.

I was locked outside my house and it took me forever

 to get the screen off of my window and

THANK GOD or Gandhi or whoever

 that my window was open.

I was so mad I wanted to cry, but I didn't [:

This is my only car and I leave Friday morning for college.

This would happen to me.

It's what I get for eating pizza and nachos last night.

What an adventure

Hung out with my old best friend which is always nice. She is so thin and pretty it almost makes me sick. I got pretty drunk and when I was going to sleep I felt like I could vanish off this planet and no one would notice.

But that is totally stupid to think because I know I have people who care for me, and love me just how I am...These thoughts of self-hate ring endlessly in my ears, and feel as if it will never stop.

I just wish someone could make me live my life..just loving myself for once.

GW:2

Finally made it to 133 this morning.

Going to the store later and taking my friend to her doctor.

Leaving for school this Friday :/ not really sure how i feel about it. I haven't been able to eat for the past week, so I think it's safe to say that I am excited.

All is great fine and dandy y'all.

Except that I realized no matter how much weight I lose, I will never see myself as anything other than

a waste of space.