Blogger....

Dear Blogger,
I thought having a blog would open my world to some new people.
I guess I have failed at being anonymusly known on the Internet.
Lovely how life can let you down, beat you down, and not bother to help you back up.
I don't think I want to live much longer.

It's around 6:00

and i am really bored. someone seriously needs to talk to me sometime. just ask ot leave a comment anytime! and about anything. please?



school sucks
i suck =]
meh.

wo0o

okay so yesterday i didnt eat until last night. i made my man food: scalloped potatos, chicken, and corn! i ended up eating half a cup of corn (80), yogurt (80), and too much popcorn (60?) OH and jello for dessert (10) sooo that makes it 230! so i definatly stayed under 300 =] and i didnt even try!

i at breakfast =] under 200 cals.
idk what else i will have. im suppose to go to a concert but i dont really feel like it.

Blah. thats about it :D

New Semester...

...and let me just tell you that it SUCKS.
high school sucks in general. it really does. rumors, lies, back-stabbing, loneliness, lack of sleep, stress, boredom. you name is. high school is a battle.
try moving to a new school DURING your senior year.
a school you have never set foot in. a school where you have no CLUE who anyone is.
feel more alone being surrounded by 2600 people than you would ever feel being alone by yourself.
cry yourself to sleep, not because you have no friends but at the fact that you know you aren't worth talking to.
guys don't talk to you because you aren't pretty
girls don't talk because they are bitches.

...yeah that's a transition to high school during senior year.

anyways, today was the first day we got new classes. now i moved to this school is October and I'm STILL walking alone in the halls. people bump into me and make ME walk around THEM and say "I'm sorry" yeah. just peachy. my gov. teacher asked what i do for the school and i told her nothing and i swear she could have died right there she was in that much shock. bitch i already hate her.
i did make a few friends but when i saw one in the hall he didn't even say anything...i don't think he even saw even though we just about ran into each other.

sorry i am ranting, but i need to get my thoughts down and i can type faster than i can write.

OH and then! we go to last hour and i learn that this class is hell. English hell. I'm getting my ass outta there before i burn.
i cried when i got home to my step mom. i cant even get the academic honors diploma that Ive worked for because i guess i had to take these tests for it....according to "Indiana state standards" BUT at my old school EVERYTHING WAS FINE all i needed was econ, gov, and 2 Spanish credits. THAT'S IT! so its Bullshit
i hate.hate.hate. this school and i hate everything to do with it. i should of never moved, but i feel like i had no choice. i was tired of living from friends house to friends house and out of my car...

BLAHDJGHFKJLAQHEUGFW sorry.

that's about it. i feel better now

=]

uhhh you've found them ALLLLLLL over the web but I'm bored :3

when fasting:
+ WATER is your best friend
+ get plenty of sleep at night
+ do your workout in the morning!
+ keep moving
+ look at thinspiration
+ read a book
+ walk a dog
+ do your homework
+ clean stuff
+ get organized
+ try on all your clothes then color code your closet
+ paint, draw, write
+ take a bath/shower
+ shave your legs
+ wash your face
+ brush your teeth
+ chew gun to replace food
+ when you are craving, wait 15 minutes and breathe
+ look at yourself in the mirror
+ DANCE
+ find an ana-buddy. everyone needs someone.

*must.not.eat.

*thin is in

*ugly people only believe in inner beauty

*if you're not thin, you're not pretty

*empty is strong, empty is pure

*pain is weakness leaving the body

*be strong

*i want to dance in between the raindrops

*Not.Skinny.Enough.

*if i eat something, I'll eat everything..so i eat nothing

*take control of your mind

*time spent wasting is NOT wasted time.



Stay strong love. 

HELP!

Okay! soo i cannot get a picture to be centered across the top of my blog! i have no clue what im doing wrong, but i am being half-retarded today :P

HELPPPPP i think im missing something ahah...

hopefully someone will help? =D

so i have no school today and no one is home =\ im not sure how i really feel about it.

eating is easiest when alone, but i want some company!!

i have to go to the library because i have a really overdue book =P

dad keeps nagging me <.<

i had breakfast :

• yogurt - 100
• 2 crackers - 30
• half a grapefruit - 40?

which makes that 170! i think.

that brings on another question: how the hell are you suppose to eat a grapefruit? if you eat it like an orange, its too weird. if you eat it with a spoon, all you get is juice! im so confused and frustrated haha.

ill probably post again  later today...just goes to show i have no life! baha. im sorry i was in a bad mood on my earlier posts :P

i bet i have to eat dinner with the fam.

whats your favorite ways to pretend to eat?

:D TALK TO MEEEEE babycakes.

NOW FOR YOUR FAVORITE! [done myyy way!]

Later that day...

WOOHOO! I am on a HIGH today =]
i was really upset today because...well...i fucking HATE my school.
i am all alone the whole day because i still feel like the new girl.
this is my second entry for the day because i feel better!

i vow to use my blog as a safe haven for me to express my thought, feeling, and/or ideas!
today when i got home from school i danced and ran around my house for an hour and then i ran for uhh idk like 10 minutes hah. i use to run alot and its really cold outside since its winter so its hard to have the motivation =]
i took a bath and relaxed for once. i cannot recall the last time i took a bath.
but then i took a shower so i could actually feel clean so now i feel fresh and happy!
i think i need to see a doctor and get my head on straight.
=\ but that will never happen! (:


hmm what else??
OH! when i was making tea i realized what i have eaten so far for the day

Breakfast: yogurt- 100 cals!

Lunch: rice cake- 35!
Salad- 20!
and a dash of hot sauce- 0!

snack: half a banana- 55

someone please do the math! thats 210!
like i said; i am on a high here (:

talk to me hunnies!

What am I doing here?

I don't really know why I'm here...but I have no where else to go. I have tried talking to people ad finding people online who understand me, but no one seems to give the effort back to me. I feel like no one knows me anymore. Life is a lonely place to be when no one understands you...when you don't even understand yourself.

I have an eating disorder but i appear to be a healthy girl. Healthy = FAT COW obviously.
I'm EDNOS but am more ana..i use to self-harm, but have luckily gotten over THAT and i hope none of you do it (talk to me if you need to)
i doubt that anyone will look at my blog just like i have not look at every ones either!

sometimes i just need to clear my head and i think that is why i created this blog. the screams of my heart race through my fingers as i type. i hope someone tries to talk to me =[ i have no where else to reach out to.

ABOUT ME:
my name is not important but you can call me Lia. I am 18 soon to be 19. i got an eating disorder when i was 14. i use to love food, but now i can't eat without feeling bad. i can't look in mirrors without wishing i was dead. i cant help but to examine a pretty girl. i have terrible self-confidence with my looks. i feel like no one looks at me because i am just another average face. i want to be that gorgeous girl every girl wants to be and every guy wants to have.
one thing: i will NEVER lose my personality. it is the one thing that i have been granted with.
please if you read this: contact me. i need someone.